by Missy Gray

Care Specialist

I’ve just spent two weeks in Kenya with forty-eight workers in ministry, a beautiful mix of African-born and cross-cultural workers. I was partnering with our sister organization, Come before Winter, as they hosted a renewal for these strong, dedicated, Jesus-chasing women. These spaces allow workers to pause for others to pour into them as they continue the amazing work they do. My favorite part of these renewals is the individual prayer appointments. This is a one-on-one time where each participant can share anything in a confidential space with a team member to be heard, held, honored, and brought to our Good God together. It is a truly sacred time, and God always shows up.

One of the things that I notice regularly is that these ministers may not realize how significant an event (or more often a series of events) has been until they speak them out loud. They’ve been pushing through, telling themselves it’s “not that big of a deal,” or taking care of people around them, keeping themselves from really seeing the significance and effects of the events. When the people around them are experiencing similar struggles, it makes it even more difficult to allow the hurt to be acknowledged. Or the growth to be observed. Or the problems that have developed as a result to be considered. But, once spoken out loud with a person who can say “that sounds hard,” or “how did that affect you,” or “tell me how you got through that,” the weight of it becomes clear. This is part of the value of these prayer appointments, but it also is one of the values of the debriefing we have been talking about recently. If you want to catch up on the series, you can read the first article HERE or the second HERE. To get us recalibrated for our final article on debriefing, let’s revisit one conceptualization of it:

Debriefing is an intentional process that allows someone to

tell their story,

examine it,

acknowledge the effects of it,          

make meaning of it, and

decide how to talk about it in the future.

Today, we are going to discuss one useful model for individual debriefing. Before we do, let’s camp here for a minute. If you are planning to spend a chunk of your time debriefing workers, I strongly recommend that you pursue training in this area. My time at TRAIN International was outstanding, and there are great trainings at Mission Training International, Le Rucher, and See Beyond as well. Getting trained with strategies, models, and exercises will be of great help as you walk with workers to process their stories. If, on the other hand, you mainly want to be more efficient and intentional as you walk alongside your workers—or just want a strategy for now as you decide if further training is right for you—I pray you find this helpful.

WHAT—SO WHAT—NOW WHAT: A model for reflection

This three-step model of debriefing is useful in an individual or small team setting. It is a narrative model, meaning that people are able to talk through their experiences rather than using an exercise, image or analogy as the guide. This reflective processing model was researched and developed by Rolfe et al. in 2001, and my debriefing cohort at TRAIN International reminded me of it.

WHAT?

• In this first step, your job as the debriefer is to make space for the worker to tell the story, get important details, and give the timeline of what happened.

• If you are debriefing a time period, there may be many stories involved. If it is a debrief of a specific event, you want to listen well to hear the whole story and to get the extra parts that affected their experience.

• Your task is to be felt as a safe space for the worker to tell their story, to listen compassionately without judgement or providing analysis, and to get details to gain a fuller understanding of the big picture.

• In this phase, you can ask questions such as

  • What else was going on during that time?

  • What was that like for you?

  • What else can you tell me about that time period?

  • What else was going on when this all happened?

  • How were you doing (emotionally, spiritually, physically) at the time?

  • Where did that part fall in the big story?

  • How did it affect you then? How about now?

  • How did you get through that time?

• When you and, more importantly, they feel that you have a clear picture of the what, you can move on to so what.

SO WHAT?

• In this second step, you move toward analysis, or so what. What were the effects of this event/this time period? What are the ramifications on their health, ministry, family, growth, or connection with God? What struggles or growth have they experienced as a result?

• This time allows you to look with the worker at successes and failures, gains and losses, or perceived provision or need.

• The role of the debriefer during this space together is to ask questions that allow the worker to look at the events and see the effects, growth, struggles, problems, or skills that have developed. The focus is not for the debriefer to provide analysis or answers; rather, to ask questions that allow space for God to speak and for the worker to see and verbalize patterns, connections and effects that may not have been previously seen, acknowledged, given weight to, or expressed.

• The hopeful outcome of this time is to begin to make meaning out of the events, see God’s provision (or possibly recognize feelings that God was absent or let them down), see wounds or problems that have developed, or see patterns of God’s faithfulness and their personal growth and resilience.

• In this phase, you can ask questions such as

  • What are you noticing as you have told me this story?

  • How have these events affected your (health, ministry, family, growth, connection with God)?

  • What problems or patterns developed as a result of these events? How are those things affecting you now?

  • What strengths or helps appeared during that time? What growth or resilience did you see? What did that teach you about yourself?

  • What did/do you believe about yourself, your family, your community, or God after these events?

  • How did you feel God’s presence (or absence) during this time? How did you see God providing for you and yours, or what did you wish for God to do?

  • What were some gains from this time? Some losses?

  • What can you/have you learned or remembered about yourself, your relationships, or God coming out of this conversation?

• When you and, more importantly, they feel that you have some understanding of the so what, you can move on to now what.

NOW WHAT?

• In this final step, you make plans with the worker for the now what. You can discuss tools they have gained or might still need, talk through how this learning applies to other parts of life or future events, decide on next steps or changes, or make a referral to an outside source such as a trauma specialist, counselor, spiritual director, or coach.

• This might be a place where you as the debriefer have more input and help the worker as they decide what is the next right thing for them.

• In this phase, you can ask questions such as

  • What are some skills or tools that might be helpful to remember or gain after this conversation?

  • How can what we have talked through help as you view future events in your life?

  • What do you know to be true about you/God/your team/your family?

  • What could be a good next step to help you process what we have talked about here?

  • What other resources do you need to access as you move?

• Always end with some specific plan or movement. If this includes an outside referral, it is your role to follow up with your worker to check in to ensure or encourage that next, often difficult, step. Following up is your last step to consider the debrief completed.

I referenced Malcolm Gladwell in the first article and here he is, popping up again. He said "We have, as human beings, a storytelling problem. We're a bit too quick to come up with explanations for things we really don't have an explanation for." Debriefing gives workers a chance to slow down with you and the Lord as they look to make meaning of pieces of their lives that might otherwise go unnoticed or be too quickly explained. May we be safe places for this important soul work. If we can help as you support workers in this way, or you would benefit from this type of conversation, please reach out!