by Andy Johnson

Director of Worker Care

I started a story last month about shapes. If you missed it (possible) or have forgotten all about it (likely), check it out here {hyperlink to last month’s, MVR}. Part Two of the story is pretty dependent on remembering Part One.

When last we saw our heroes, they were a bit misshapen. They:

launched as Triangles,
learned to love their Circle friends,
were changed from within by God’s grace into Hexagons,
served the Circles at God’s pleasure, and
eventually returned to TriangleLand, still looking like Triangles but functioning as Hexagons.

All well and good for the adults who willingly chose that life.

But what about their kids?!? These children were born in (or moved to) CircleLand from TriangeLand. They carry Triangle passports, speak Triangleese, and enjoy a good Triangle pizza. They also roll with their Circle friends, sometimes speak Circleese (often better than their parents), and enjoy weird, local toppings on their pizzas (tuna and corn??). They hang out with Circle besties, eat dinner at a Hexagon table, and go to Granny Triangle’s house on furlough.

What are they?

Let’s call them Stars, because that’s what they are.

These are world Christians. These Stars are able to understand and interpret Circle life; they also really get Triangle life. They have a peculiar patriotism, with a somewhat-critical allegiance to at least two countries (and they often even carry two passports). They see people on the margins; in fact, they see a lot of things that others miss.

They also have their own tribe – their fellow Stars. One of the more interesting things about the ways in which God has created world Christians is that, no matter where they grew up, these Stars share certain characteristics. It doesn’t matter whether they come from a west African village or an Asian megacity, many of the things that make them them are shared with other Stars.* Incidentally, calling them “Stars” won’t get you very far in most circles; they are generally referred to as Third Culture Kids.

I’m raising three Stars myself. We recently flew from Texas where their Hexagon parents are raising them to California to visit Grandma and Grandpa Triangle. We got through security and onto our plane, at which time two of the three sighed and told me that airplanes are their favorite places, that they feel most at home between destinations. As their father, there’s a part of me that mourns that and a different part that rejoices in it.

Now we’ve come to the so-what part of our story time. How can Triangles care for the Hexagons or Stars in their lives?

To begin with, listen. Be a safe place to talk about the weird feelings that rise up inside of former Triangles who hang out with current Triangles. It’s a disorienting thing; be that person they can talk to about their feelings of outsider-ness.
Pay attention to the inside jokes and cultural references that you salt your conversation with. I have a gap from 2001-2014 where I just missed life in America; I still feel left out sometimes with friends. Hexagons and Stars might laugh when everyone else does, but the truth is it can feel isolating. When asked, interpret for them (preferably without teasing).
Ask good questions. We spent May, June, and July working through the basics of debriefing workers. In particular, pay attention to who’s talking more; it should not be you.
Provide practical help. Go shopping with them. Pick up the tab. Give them gift cards they can only use on fun stuff. We had kind Triangles provide us with clothing gift cards and an outing for my bride to a salon to relearn how to apply makeup!

Thank you for caring about the workers in your life. Care providers at the family, friend, and church level are the front-line workers in care. It matters that you care for the people God has given you. We hope that 2023’s Messenger has been helpful to you. We’ll be taking December off and will be back again in January, ready for another year of walking with you as you walk with workers. Until then,

Peace.

Andy

*For more a more in-depth discussion of Stars (Third Culture Kids) and how to serve them, check out the April and May ’22 issues of the Messenger.

The Shape of Things - Part 2